Friday, April 1, 2011

Stepping Boldly in my Creative Life


I begin this message with a deeeeep inhale and a slooooow exhale. Its amazing how much air we can hold.

Hello all, I'm back with a big ol' update! Starting sort of backwards from the results of our trip to Savannah! It was a real soul opener........From the moment we left I felt a little out of sorts. I hadn't packed my bags well & knew I was forgetting something. Ends up it was my sneakers. We were going to do nothing but walking for the next 4 days so I knew I'd have to find a cheap replacement. Low and behold I ended up with Miley Cyrus Zebra Print high-tops! It was all I could find & I felt they were a little over the top, but my mister said, "These are SO YOU! Get them!" I felt like missing my shoes and then finding these was like a little (bold, humorous) nudge from the Universe.... "Yes! We want you to walk more BOLDY through your life... YES." Remember my mantra from last year? Beautiful Bold Brave Bodacious Babe! I always felt so empowered by this & sort of let it drift. So now I'm back with the bold & bodaciousness. Thanks to my zebra shoes.

This trip away really gave me a clear perspective on my life. I kept feeling like, I need to downsize, I need to prioritize, I need to walk more boldly in my creative life. For many months I had been working a cubicle job I felt truly miserable at. Coming home in tears many-a-night. Letting it all rob me of my energy. My energy to create, to be, to express, to fully share and live. My gifts in life were put up on a shelf for safe keeping. For the last few months I had fully gone adrift. I waded in the deep and murky waters of this place. This feeling. This restrictiveness. And I felt this sense of calm, as if everything were for a reason. This little boat will land safely on the shore of her real and beautiful life someday soon......

In many ways this trip woke me up from slumbering, to my full potential. To the things I feel so strongly about they bring tears to my eyes. To the things that make ME come alive. To my purpose. To not what anyone else might think or feel, but ME. It opened me up and allowed me to see, the truth. And the light I'd been hiding on the shelf for so long. Any time your light is hidden, I urge to you ask yourself WHY!? I realized I need to stop PROTECTING myself from what other people might think and PROJECT who I TRULY am. Share my light with others, relentlessly, BOLDLY, bravely. Be the me I was at 15 who dressed in mismatched clothing, neon tights, boots strapped, backpack always packed. I stood on trash cans outside the mall entrance and recited poetry loudly and proudly. I ran through any sprinkler that was on. I rolled down grassy hills. If something was too far to walk or bike ride I called a taxi. I got into mischief. I. Was. ME. I realize now I was LIVING FROM A PLACE OF ACTION... a place of PROJECTION and so much Trust. That little girl had something to say. Something to share. So why did I ever shut her up in the first place? Protection... I began second-guessing myself and became even more hyper aware of the judgements of others. What are they thinking? Should I dare say this? Wear that? I shrunk my light. I carried around other peoples "stuff." In the past 5 years I have improved immensely in this area. (Anything is possible!)

When we got back from Savannah I went back to my cubicle, feeling alive and refreshed. I started looking around for jobs that were ME. Jobs where I could be of better service, helping people, truly helping. Weeks passed and things around the office got increasingly difficult. Corporate bullshit mostly. Theres no other way to describe it. One particularly bad day I came home in tears & cried myself dizzy that night, to the point something major shifted in my brain.... I felt a bit Alice in Wonderland, tall, short, tall, short. And to quote Alice, I realized, "This is my Dream! I'll decide where it goes from here!!!" The sense of urgency to leave this place felt HUGE. I woke up the next morning, nauseaus and still in tears. I was pretty much having a breakdown. My heart could not imagine going back there. I was so miserable, my soul was literally empty and dry. I talked to the mister on the phone & he said, "Why don't you just put in your 2 week notice?" Then he shared a quote from Indiana Jones about taking the first step and the bridge appearing. So, my friends, I did just that. I marched in and put in my notice. Immediately, I mean instantly, a HUGE huge weight lifted. I doodled in my journal little rocket ship feet. Thats exactly what I felt. I did it!!

I quit my Soul-less Job!!!!

(For some odd reason, I've been afraid to share this with "the world" via my blog. I think theres a certain bit of fear (there goes that Protection Bulb flashing me in the face and blinding me....) What will they think? Will they support me in my decision? Will they think I'm crazy for quitting without having another bridge to leap to? Will they blah blah blah?? Voices in my head. Thats all it is. And the truth is, it doesn't matter what anyone else might think.)
I followed my heart. 
 Though the road may be winding, its never steered me wrong. So that action, hooray for ACTION, was my big BOLD move. Honoring my heart, my Inner Wise Self. I never intended to quit my job so suddenly. I really didn't, but the Universe has other plans for me. Already since leaving I have opportunities unfolding to teach Yoga and if all goes well, and I'm living from a place that it will -- a local Art Workshop... And anything else I want to create for mySelf. Right? Isn't this life all about what we create for ourselves?? I'm resurrecting another Mantra from last year - "Who's Gonna Stop Me?!" Who's gonna stop me from living a life of my dreams?? Only me. Only me. Now I just have to dig a little deeper into this aspect of Protecting so I can fully Project! I'll get there. I will.

One more final update, I saved the best for last! During our trip to Savannah, the weekend of Valentines Day, the Mister proposed! ! ! ! We are officially engaged! It was such a Romantic and Dear trip. I couldn't have asked for anything better. So I leave you with this in the most southern accent I can muster up, 
"I'm getting married ya'll!"

With So much Love,


  1. oh how i adore you MORE AND MORE AND MORE!

    this post is AUTHENTIC MAGIC!!!!!

    it is YOU! that is what YOU are.


    you bold brave bodacious brilliant beautiful babe!

    sending you a huge squeeze and love, love, love


    PS....totally dig the pic of you and your mister ... sweet love!

  2. Holy smokes Carissa, I take my hat off to you! Bravo!!!

    Here's to living life filled with possibility and magic! Yoiu are totally inspirational!

    Congratulations on your engagement to such a supportive sweet man!

  3. tears, tears, tears! OMG Carissa, I wish I could come over there and grab you and hug you right now. I love this post. I love your vibe, your realness, your boldness, and joy for being YOU. Thank you SO much for sharing this. I need this in my life. This message and magic. YOUR message and magic.

    And more tears coming down for your fabulous news about getting married. This makes my heart smile so big! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!

    With love from your joyful jumping, heart-hugging, boldness supporting friend in NY <3

  4. Congrats to setting yourself free! Any job making you cry, be sick.... is not worth it! Great you have support to make big, bold changes!! So happy for your engagement and that he is there for you in the process. Sometimes you just need to take that bold leap and you did it!! ((hugs)) Your new print is beautiful btw. ~Theresa

  5. you are so f-ing awesome i can't stand it. and i love that you have a partner that supports you and your need to be *YOU*. great things are happening for you, miss c, and i can't think of a better person to be receiving them! xo

  6. Now I'm all teary... its such a huge weight off. Thank you all for your support. It means so much. I'm Feeling Alive & Blessed. And to think I was soo afraid to hit the publish button on this one!


  7. feels good to breathe, doesn't it? :)

  8. my dear one, I am, as I've said before, SO incredibly proud and in awe of you.
    I love your spirit. I love your talent. I love your shoes and the way you dress. You inspire me more and more to break away from my self imposed cubicle...
    just the other day I wore a bright purple shirt and a green sweater, a vintage swing coat and a wicker purse with Lucite handles...and thought of you and how proud you'd be. I've never been more colorful!
    and you already know how I feel about your work...witnessing the unfolding of something quite extraordinary....quite YOU.

  9. oh carissa,
    that photo of you & your mister
    is soul-stirring & tender-beautiful. wow.
    & i love how he encouraged you to
    step into zebra feels the same
    as his encouraging you to take the leap
    out of your soul-less job & into a
    ZEBRA life! what is it about zebras?!
    yes, bold & bodacious for sure! it would
    be fun to look up their qualities...
    maybe they are dialoguing w/ewe!!
    & you know i always LOVE your art!!!
    gorgeous & inspired paintings here, dear one!
    yes! speak your poetry again, speak
    your soul into your life.
    i love you so much!! xoxoxx

  10. A Beautiful piece of art to go with a beautiful story. No job is worth tears and heartache! Life is short,you need to do what makes you happy. And a Big Congrats on your engagement,how exciting.

  11. KEEP THE MOMENTUM FIRECRACKER! much love to you!!

  12. ...and then the fearless fairy spread her tiny wings and flew into the great big life she KNEW was meant to live. {i feel like that's how the story ends. or begins} love you, brave bold carissa!

  13. what a brave thing. i remember how i felt when i walked out that "they own me" job. f.r.e.e.d.o.m.

    and congrats on the love. how fun!

  14. *quiet hello* Hi, I'm new to your blog, introduced to it only moments ago by a friend. You and I are so very alike that it makes me a little nervous, like looking a mirror. I too have had to cut out the negative people from my life, the ones that hurt me so much and who literally made me hurt myself and almost parents. I use art as therapy and blogging too and I live only in truth. I am honest to the point were it maybe shocks some but I can't hold back any more and I won't either.
    I am honoured to be allowed to share in your journey. Congratulations on your engagement, my hubby has helped me express myself, be true and he ties me to this life.
    Well bye for now...


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